In a very delayed response to Lucyann's question I have decided to post my first assignment from my Youth Work NVQ (in blue) - which I have now completed and passed! It is a short and concise reflection on my life and how it affects my youth work. There is so much more I can write but this is what I got in the 500-800 words I was allowed. I am not ready for the autobiography yet and I don't imagine anyone else is either.
I was born while my parents were at Missionary Training College. When I was 5 we moved to an estate in Manchester where my dad was the minister of the local evangelical church. My experience growing up in Newton Heath and attending schools in the inner city really affected me and I now have chosen to live and do mission on the same estate where I grew up.
Growing up until secondary school age I was a very happy child. I was the child of a minister. At the age of 5 I made the decision to become a Christian.
I was fully involved in school sports activities and joined the local gym club at age 7 for a few years. I have always had a strong relationship with my dad. We are very similar in personality and have similar interests. I had a few different friends from the estate we lived on and at school.
We always had a family holiday. We spent many summer holidays at the Manchester City Mission caravan on Anglesey. Family time was very important. My dad worked from home and though he was busy he was around a lot.
I didn't really connect with the young people my from the church, they were friends, but not close, possibly because I was daughter of the church leader and I felt different because we didn't have much money.
I moved secondary schools in year 9, as I was unhappy at my first school. I don't remember being particularly unhappy but my parents do. I made some friends that I spent most of my time with in and outside of school. I remember an occasion when I had invited them to our church Christmas musical, they sneaked of after the interval to a party without telling me. I found this really upsetting, especially as I would have coped with them saying they could only come for the first half. I felt insulted and upset that they thought I couldn't cope with them going without me. Though I had a stable and supportive home life I remember being quite unhappy, particularly in my later teens as I never really found a mutual friendship.
My year out before university, at age 19 was a real challenge as the organisation was not very pastoral and gave us very little time off. In the end I was made to feel that I had failed because I had started a relationship with another team member, which was forbidden. I did I find mutual friendship for the first time in my life there and it was these friendships that gave us joy through a very tough year.
I made some strong friendships at university – people who were friends throughout. I dated a lot throughout my teens and at university. As a Christian I constantly struggled with my ideals that I should only date Christians and the reality of wanting to experience closeness of friendship that I lacked.
My time in London after university was a time of growth. The leaders of the church I was part of taught me, through the way they lived, about unconditional acceptance, hospitality, grace and patience – I behaved often like a spoiled teenager and though they challenged my behaviour I never felt rejected. It was during this time I met Sharon who has become my best friend and mentor. Whilst in London I took on my first paid youth work role. It was a brilliant environment where I was able to develop professionally with plenty of support and encouragement. I also grew in confidence after meeting and marrying Dave.
Living in Manchester I am now mother of two young children, leading a church planting team and developing youth work on the estate where I live. I struggle with believing in myself and that I should really be in the positions that I find myself in. Without the support of my husband, parents, my mother-in-law and good friends that I made in London I wouldn't be in the place I am today nor feel able to remain in the roles that I am in.
The key things that have helped me to be a good youth worker are the love and support I received during difficult times as a teenager and through stressful experiences in London. If I, coming from a stable home with love and support, can struggle with self esteem and confidence, how much more then do the young people I know need that example and consistent support and encouragement. Having spent so long looking for intimate and mutual friendship, often in the wrong places I can empathise with the young people I know. I have been in situations where I have been betrayed by so called friends and know the disappointment of being misunderstood. In experiencing how my church leaders loved me and other more vulnerable people I have learned about how to welcome young people, and learned that some behaviours can be tolerated and others need to be challenged.
Next post: my thoughts on sharing the gospel with the young people I'm working with.
I was born while my parents were at Missionary Training College. When I was 5 we moved to an estate in Manchester where my dad was the minister of the local evangelical church. My experience growing up in Newton Heath and attending schools in the inner city really affected me and I now have chosen to live and do mission on the same estate where I grew up.
Growing up until secondary school age I was a very happy child. I was the child of a minister. At the age of 5 I made the decision to become a Christian.
I was fully involved in school sports activities and joined the local gym club at age 7 for a few years. I have always had a strong relationship with my dad. We are very similar in personality and have similar interests. I had a few different friends from the estate we lived on and at school.
We always had a family holiday. We spent many summer holidays at the Manchester City Mission caravan on Anglesey. Family time was very important. My dad worked from home and though he was busy he was around a lot.
I didn't really connect with the young people my from the church, they were friends, but not close, possibly because I was daughter of the church leader and I felt different because we didn't have much money.
I moved secondary schools in year 9, as I was unhappy at my first school. I don't remember being particularly unhappy but my parents do. I made some friends that I spent most of my time with in and outside of school. I remember an occasion when I had invited them to our church Christmas musical, they sneaked of after the interval to a party without telling me. I found this really upsetting, especially as I would have coped with them saying they could only come for the first half. I felt insulted and upset that they thought I couldn't cope with them going without me. Though I had a stable and supportive home life I remember being quite unhappy, particularly in my later teens as I never really found a mutual friendship.
My year out before university, at age 19 was a real challenge as the organisation was not very pastoral and gave us very little time off. In the end I was made to feel that I had failed because I had started a relationship with another team member, which was forbidden. I did I find mutual friendship for the first time in my life there and it was these friendships that gave us joy through a very tough year.
I made some strong friendships at university – people who were friends throughout. I dated a lot throughout my teens and at university. As a Christian I constantly struggled with my ideals that I should only date Christians and the reality of wanting to experience closeness of friendship that I lacked.
My time in London after university was a time of growth. The leaders of the church I was part of taught me, through the way they lived, about unconditional acceptance, hospitality, grace and patience – I behaved often like a spoiled teenager and though they challenged my behaviour I never felt rejected. It was during this time I met Sharon who has become my best friend and mentor. Whilst in London I took on my first paid youth work role. It was a brilliant environment where I was able to develop professionally with plenty of support and encouragement. I also grew in confidence after meeting and marrying Dave.
Living in Manchester I am now mother of two young children, leading a church planting team and developing youth work on the estate where I live. I struggle with believing in myself and that I should really be in the positions that I find myself in. Without the support of my husband, parents, my mother-in-law and good friends that I made in London I wouldn't be in the place I am today nor feel able to remain in the roles that I am in.
The key things that have helped me to be a good youth worker are the love and support I received during difficult times as a teenager and through stressful experiences in London. If I, coming from a stable home with love and support, can struggle with self esteem and confidence, how much more then do the young people I know need that example and consistent support and encouragement. Having spent so long looking for intimate and mutual friendship, often in the wrong places I can empathise with the young people I know. I have been in situations where I have been betrayed by so called friends and know the disappointment of being misunderstood. In experiencing how my church leaders loved me and other more vulnerable people I have learned about how to welcome young people, and learned that some behaviours can be tolerated and others need to be challenged.
Next post: my thoughts on sharing the gospel with the young people I'm working with.
Thanks Han, a question that occurred to me whilst reading it, which is related to your reflection about if someone like you coming from a stable and loving home needed strong support etc to cope with struggles of been a young person esp around self esteem and confidence what about those who don't have that..I was struck by the sense of what I would call marginality that you described because of being a Christian leaders daughter and wonder to what extent this sense of marginality and its impact on friendships etc has had on your gifts, skills and motivation around youth work with people in marginal position in society.
ReplyDeleteMakes me think a lot about issues of identity; in a number of ways, culture,class,gender,faith etc and the importance of finding ways of helping young people connect with and develop positive aspects of their identity
in response to me being a Christian leaders' daughter... it struck me recently that I don't feel that I have a 'home'. I am a missionary kid as well as a minister's kid. My parents moved to the estate as missionaries. Yes, it was the place I grew up in but since coming back after 11 years away, though I feel very content and at home living here, it doesn't feel like home. I have come here - to my home - as a missionary. But I haven't come from somewhere I call home. Strange feeling. I'm in between cultures and don't completely fit anywhere! In a way some of the girls don't have a home, they have moved house and school several times for various reasons, and they are hoping to move away to find somewhere better... The difference is I'm choosing to stay in order to be involved in the process of making this place better.
ReplyDeleteAs for identity, that is a real issue, some of the girls have nothing to say about what they like, what they are interested in and very little confidence to try anything new. A lot of their identity is based on their behaviour and how people respond to them reinforces that behaviour - and how people treat / talk about them and their families. I struggle to know where to start in helping them to find positive things to focus on and develop in them and this reinforces the feeling I have that only God's intervention - their realisation of their value to Him - that will bring transformation of how they view themselves and give them the strength and ability to reject the labels that others have put on them.